Why Won’t My Baby Stop Crying? An ABA-Informed Guide for Parents
It’s a scene most parents know all too well—your baby is crying, and nothing seems to work! You’ve fed them, changed their diaper, rocked them, and sung every lullaby and child song in your arsenal, yet the tears keep flowing. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone! Crying is a normal part of a baby’s development, but it can feel overwhelming, draining, and defeating (not to mention making us feel guilty for having these feelings). Let’s break this down using principles from Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) to help you better understand and respond to your baby’s needs.
Step 1: Understanding the Function of Crying
In ABA, all behavior serves a reason, or a function. Babies cry because it’s their primary way of communicating. When your baby cries, they’re trying to tell you something. The key is to figure out the function/purpose of the crying. Here are four common reasons why babies cry:
Attention: Your baby may want your comfort or interaction.
Escape: They might be uncomfortable or trying to avoid something unpleasant, like being in a wet diaper.
Tangible Needs: Hunger, thirst, or wanting a pacifier could be the reason.
Sensory: They may be overstimulated, tired, or experiencing discomfort.
Step 2: Observing and Identifying Patterns
Take a moment to observe when and where the crying happens. Are there specific times of day when it’s more frequent? Does it follow particular events, like feeding or naps? Identifying patterns can help you pinpoint what your baby might need.
Pro Tip: Keep a simple journal for a few days. Jot down what was happening before the crying started (the antecedent), what you did in response (the consequence), and how the crying changed. This will help you see trends and make adjustments as needed!
Step 3: Reinforce Calm Behavior
When your baby stops crying, even for a moment, reinforce (reward) that calm behavior. For example, if they stop crying after you pick them up, give them a cuddle, a smile, or soothing words. This helps teach your baby that being calm can also get their needs met.
Important Note: Don’t worry about “spoiling” your baby by responding to their cries. At this stage, they’re learning to trust you and the world around them.
Step 4: Teach Alternative Ways to Communicate
As your baby grows, you can help them learn other ways to express their needs. For younger babies, gestures like pointing can be encouraged. For older babies, teaching a few simple baby signs like “milk” or “sleep” can reduce frustration. This aligns with ABA principles of teaching replacement behaviors that serve the same purpose as crying.
Step 5: Take Care of Yourself
Crying can be exhausting, both physically and emotionally. Remember, it’s okay to take a moment for yourself! Put your baby in a safe place, like their crib, and take a few deep breaths. A calm parent is better able to help a crying baby! You have to try and charge your own battery to be the best parent you can be. While you most likely will never feel “100%” as a parent, you still want to set yourself up for success and be as recharged as possible. Also, if you have another parent or family member in the home, don’t be afraid to “tap out” when you’ve reached your parenting limit. We are not invincible and it’s ok to ask for help when we need it.
When to Seek Help
While crying is a normal part of development, excessive crying could be a sign of an underlying issue. If your baby’s crying seems unusual or you’re concerned, don’t hesitate to reach out to your pediatrician. Our youngest child never seemed to be gaining weight and cried almost around the clock during his first two months. At the urging of my wife, we took him to the doctor and they found a heart defect that required surgery. He’s a perfectly healthy little boy now, but we are so lucky that we sought help when his crying appeared to be excessive, especially compared to his older brother. This is definitely an extreme example, but consulting with your pediatrician if you are concerned is always a good decision.
Final Thoughts
Your baby’s cries are their way of communicating, and using ABA principles can help you respond in a way that’s both effective and loving. By understanding the function of their crying, observing patterns, and teaching alternatives, you’re setting the stage for better communication as they grow.
Remember, you’re not just managing crying—you’re building a relationship of trust and understanding with your baby. You’ve got this!
If you have more questions or want personalized support, feel free to reach out. I’d love to help!
